Luckily for me, panicing is not always an indication of my actual fears. Here is what was really going on. They are so little. I feel out of control. I have to be here so early, what if I am late? What if I cant do it or realize halfway through that I don't even want to be a teacher anymore? ITS TOO LATE TO GET OUT!
Well, here we are, one month into it. The past weeks have been tumultuous and emotional, but there was a definite pattern that I observed. I'd wake up and head to High Springs, and during those 4 hours of teaching, I felt absolutely wonderful, controlled, and at peace. I'd go home and start to settle, and feel decent. Then I'd go to bed and feel overwhelmed to the point that I couldn't sleep. Apparently my life and my choices were the problem, not second grade! I didn't know what I wanted to do about grad school. My future was a big fat hand waiting to slap me in the face if I didn't make the right choice, so I thought.
And magically, it all began to fall into place. Well, much better than before. But mostly what is different is me. Sometimes you just have to learn to say So What If I Do (SWIID). So what if I do go to another place for grad school- (It's going to be fabulous, thats what). So what if I do drop my grad class- (It's worthless at this point). So what if I do exactly what I want for a while. SWIID baby. SWIID. Wow, "SWIID" sounds kind of foul as an acronym.
Anyway, onward and upward. Here is a breakdown of the kiddies in my class, by initials so that no identities are revealed (who knows what would happen if a parent googled their child's name and stumbled across this blog. I do- probably nothing. Nevertheless...)
TD- TD likes cats. He has 3 of his own and 6 strays. He melts down on the regular because he is bored in school and hates to learn. He is smart enough to do the work but his attitude is quite a challenge. He sasses us regularly. He told my co-teaching partner the other day "No offense Ms. Jameson, but I don't like any of your ideas. You guys say they are going to be fun, but they never are." However, we did share a special moment the other day when he asked me to come to his birthday party, and whether or not I would be able to identify his cats. I can remember some of the names. Mittens, Boots, Socks, Shirt, Mr. Meowie, and Bing, to name a few. Or to name most of them, actually.
KB- KB is a super star. She wears cowboy boots, has perfect blond hair, likes to fish and hunt, and sits next to TD because she is not phased by his meltdowns. She is one of the best students in the class and she- gasp- likes to learn.
JD- JD is a cute little boy who wears skate shoes. He always has this incredulous look on his face. We will refer to him forever more as JD the incredulous.
VB- VB was born in russia and lives now with adoptive parents. She knows a lot about science, probably because her dad is a lepidopterist and takes her to the lab every day after school. She has a lisp, she talks all the time, and has a weird frenemy in another student, which I will explain later. I'm sure you are just on the edge of your seat to know, but fret not. Good things happen to those who are patient.
AF- Please allow me to quote Mrs. Ross in describing AF:
"I know ya'll think AF is cute, and Lord knows I do. But she has been involved in a little mean-girl activity as of late, bullying the other girls. It's a source of contention in the classroom". AF IS LIKE 35 POUNDS. The class's resident "Mean Girl" weighs less than a sack of potatoes. Be afraid, second grade. Be afraid.
AC- Anyone who says teachers don't have favorites is a liar. AC is this adorable little boy with a round face and the widest eyes I have ever seen. He is extremely smart, but reads very VERY slowly. He goes to the bathroom all the time, and at the most hilarious moments. He volunteered to come up and do an activity in front of the class, and right as I was giving him directions he raises his hand and whisper-asks if he can use the restroom. Then he scurries away. It's adorable. We suspect giftedness, and not just because he's eccentric.
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