Why am I obsessed with certain shows? I think I know the reasons, but sometimes its hard to say why I like the things that I like.
This obsession with certain shows started at a young age, when I was introduced to The Wonder Years. I remember curling up in my nana Barbara's bedroom and watching episodes on her television on Nick-at-night. They used to do something called "Block Party Summer" and Thursdays (or was it Tuesdays?) they'd do several episodes of The Wonder Years. I was enraptured by the show. Either it appealed to me because it was sentimental or I became sentimental because of it. It's hard to say for sure! I loved Kevin's adult voice that commented on his younger self. I loved Winnie Cooper (so much so that I nick-named myself Winnie... now THAT's commitment). I just loved the intensity of it all, because when you are young everything feels intense. I never will forget my first love. Je taime, Wonder Years. The weird thing is, I didn't even love Kevin. I felt like I was his friend. I felt like if we both existed, he would come to me for advice about Winnie. Isn't it a little bit depressing that I wasn't even the star of my own fantasy? Young Barb, go back and GET YOURS!
Then, I moved a little away from shows and towards books- namely, Harry Potter. I started the series on the way to Sunday School and asked my mother if I could bring it in. She said no, shockingly. Harry and I grew up together- a period of 7 years where we shared trials and tribulations. His trials were possibly more serious than my own but who is keeping score? I literally never left my house without a Harry Potter book. I wouldn't go on vacation without the fifth book for some reason. It was my "comfort object", like they have in the book The Giver. I loved and will continue to worship that series for its creativity, amazing detail, and cohesiveness. I loved escaping to another world.
I had a few flings after/among Harry Potter. One I remember distinctively was The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series. When you are a person who likes to borrow other's identities and character traits once and a while, there's nothing quite like a book with 4 completely different (yet pretty much the same) identities to chose from. With SOTP, I could be a Tibby- sarcastic and "progressive", a Carmen- intelligent and outspoken, a Lena- sensitive and artistic, or a Bridget- outgoing and athletic. I loved reading books where I could live vicariously through people instead of getting my own life. Sad? Not in retrospect. It was just... necessary. It's not like I was allowed to leave my house and have a real opportunity to develop a character of my own *cough cough, jab at my parents.* For the record, I rarely jab at my parents, so that's... well, that's that.
Another brief fling was with an author named Sarah Dessen. No wizardry or deeply rooted friendships... just plain old teenage girls feeling things. It was a tame phase. Nothing much to report.
And back to the shows. Gilmore Girls. A defining show for me because of where I was when I first discovered it... newly settled into a bedroom at Grandma's, ready for a change of pace. I sat in my bed (which still felt borrowed) and ate round Tostitoes with cream cheese while the Gilmore Girls of the show chirped away at warp speed. Grandma was somewhere in the background, clearing a shelf for me and inviting me to sprawl out with my personal possessions because, after all, this was to be my new home. And sprawled out I did... in time. Gilmore Girls was high school, for better or for worse.
Once high school ended, I found that I had less time to read and more time to watch t.v. alone in my dorm room... funny how that works. I partially attribute a spike in my sitcom/dramedy consumption to my bout of Mono that happened spring of freshman year. If I am being honest with myself, however, I know that this latent period in my social development was because of my own emotional cluelessness and insecurity... Mono or no Mono, I wasn't ready to branch out. I had no idea how to make friends, and I wondered how I had so many back home to begin with. I felt like I was imposing on everyone with my marginal wants and needs, including my then boyfriend (which quickly became an ex-boyfriend). So I lounged hardcore with a box of family-sized Velveeta and my new two loves: Grey's Anatomy and The Office. Only one of these shows had staying power. If you've ever met me, you know which one it was/is.
The Office came to me on Thanksgiving Break. My brother and I were at Downtown Disney exploring Virgin Megastore. I purchased season 1 on a whim, without realizing how much emotional attachment I would later develop for it. I might as well have bought a puppy. My brother and I sat in our Timeshare and watched the whole first season, giggling like little school girls. I was hooked. For some reason, when I think of my early days with The Office, I think of this one day during freshman year when I was sick and hungry and, of course, in my dormroom. I ordered Gumby's cheesy bread (dank) and had it delivered. I ate half the box and watched an episode at the end of season 3 where they go on a beach trip. I noticed beyond my television at one point, out the large glass window that stood behind it. The dorm I lived in was new and brick, and I noticed how pretty it was. I'm not very good with segues, so I will just go ahead and say, I already miss UF. Not because of what it is but because I am a nostalgic fool who is afraid to forget anything, ever. I am afraid when I love something because that means someday it will end or I will lose it or I will forget why I love it at all. Of course, I still have The Office and it's not changing. Only I can change, and I do all the time. I am constantly changing, so much so that I sometimes can't keep up and completely forget who I am and what I want. A person who is completely dictated by his or her surroundings will crumble when the surroundings are unstable. They too will reflect this instability. When I was a young girl, I didn't have stability (or that great of social skills) and I never learned how to make a decision or say what I wanted or needed. So I looked to characters and fictional, non-changing, worlds for life and reality. There is no reality in fiction, but I do stand by that fiction almost always imitates an author's reality in some way or another. These shows and books that I have obsessed over, and will continue to obsess over (Don't even get me started on Twilight or 30 Rock. Like I needed an excuse to enjoy Washington or NYC even more than I would have anyway. Oh God, Arrested Development... somebody stop me) may have determined my identity when I was younger because I wanted them to. I wanted to be the characters and not myself because myself sucked and the characters didn't. However, when I first had the epiphany that this was crazy, I went about fixing in the wrong way. I said NO MORE FICTION! and I tried to create myself as a definite, unchanging character in my own sitcom/dramedy/epic literary series/whatev-skies.
Then I had another epiphany, about 15 seconds ago. My identity is about as fluid as can be and I constantly redefine myself (based loosely on the fictional character's whose lives I envy) because I am insatiable and insecure and will never think what I am is good enough. I also get bored easily. Oh, and I'm also a touch obsessive. Life is a bitch and my escape of choice is fiction. What's that you say? Drinking is easier? Nah... 30 dollars for a DVD box set that entertains me for years is a better expenditure than a 12 pack of beer that lasts me 2 nights.
Simple economics.
