Valuable things

The most valuable thing I learned in high school was probably how to calm down.

The most valuable thing I learned in college (besides... school stuff) is how to say "so, what?".

The most valuable thing I learned at High Springs so far is how to say "that plan didn't work... onward and upward!" (and, "awwww!SO CUTE!ittydhjgRDAFEAVA")

Good life lessons!

Who are you? Who Who?

I quote the lyrics of a song by The Who in my title because, well, its an awesome song. The Who also happens to remind me of my childhood and riding back and forth in the car as a family to St. Augustine before we moved there. The Who was one of the only CD's my father could tolerate, along with Boston and Sade.

I read something the other day that got me thinking and sparked the little intro above... it was about things that define us and not losing our sense of self. I also read about how people do little things to remind themselves of.. themselves, so that when traumatic events happen in their lives they have a strong sense of self to fall back on. It makes me think of how after a bad breakup you begin trying to figure out how to separate yourself from the other person, unraveling the tightly weaved identity that your relationship offered you.

One fun way to do it is the ABC.. method. It's fairy easy to understand, but it also takes forever so I will only do 2 letters as an example and get back to it after I finish writing an essay.

A- Art. I wish I had as much time to dedicate to this as some of my friends do. I love to make things and I really felt like I had an artistic side back in high school. Thinking of painting and crocheting makes me think of high school and ceramics and photography... all wonderful memories that remind me of how I was when I was younger. I was never the most talented artist; when my mother taught my brother and I to crochet he was way better than I was! I was not a gifted ceramicist. I've made a few good paintings and scrapbooks in my day... so at least there is that.

B- Barbara. I chose my name because I had such issues with accepting it, and myself, as a child. I still do have the issues with my personality, but my name is okay with me now :) When I was young, as young as 5, I would beg my mother for a new name. I asked for my whole name to be "Brianna Bassing" spelled just like that. The funny thing about that name is that it was kind of similar to my own- Barbara/Brianna. However, I wanted to be anything else. I don't think it was because I disliked myself. It was more... I wanted to get lost in another identity. I loved to read and I adored characters. I wanted to be a new character every day. I decided on the nickname "Winnie" when I moved to st. augustine in third grade (now there's a story... that first day of third grade) because I wanted to be like Winnie from The Wonder Years. I finally took my own name back in 8th grade, and I don't regret that. It's exhausting trying to be someone else :)

C-.. to be Continued. haha

Anything you can do, I can do better.

Sitting on the leather couch next to my wonderful and fascinating boyfriend always lifts my spirits.

I feel as though I am coming down with something... I hope that is not the case, because I have a lot I want to do with my class this week, and we have the smart board!! I wish I knew more about it, or at least as much as I pretend to know. Fake it til you make it?

Last night was my friend from high school's 21 birthday party. I made a fool out of myself, and thats pretty much the beginning and end of it. She had a nice fire a-goin... so that was fun.

Josh was sweet enough to accompany me, and my friends are pretty much obsessed with him (in a healthy way).

I wish there were more hours in the day so that I could be amazing at every hobby that I love.

Writing, painting, crocheting, playing sports, designing dream houses... these are all on my list.

Alas, the real world does not permit such time. Unless of course you eradicate facebook from the planet... then I'd have plenty of time in my day.

Ugh... illness is overcoming me. Thats what I get!

Remiss

I haven't been writing on this site nearly as much as I want to. I wanted to give you a nitty-gritty, intensive look into the free labor I am doing four days a week for a group of 18 little angels. Alas, I have been far too busy reading Confessions of a Shopaholic and being a Shopaholic to get around to talking about T.D.'s tantrums or A.C.'s adorably misshapen bowl cut/mullet hybrid hairdo. Your loss.

But seriously, second grade is nothing like I anticipated. When we walked in on the first day and were met my a sea of little arms thrusting scissors towards us (cut out my snowman's head, Ms. Newteacher!) I thought it was going to be semester full of needy children doing busy work.

As it turns out, all children are needy, all children do busy work and school, and I don't care in the slightest. In fact, I thrive on the ability to help children cut things out and accomplish whatever it is they want to accomplish.

The key word here, though, is want.

Children rarely want to do anything academic. I wonder at least 5 times a day what it would be like if kids could learn about what they were interested in. What would be the dire consequences if they spent an hour a day doing unstructured work? Who would suffer if they didn't do writing from 12:05-12:50? Could we maybe push writing to the morning and COMBINE it with reading, or social studies, or science? Could we? or better yet... should we?

It's hard to say what a classroom would be like if you changed it, without actually experimenting with the change. The problem is, no one wants to risk giving second grade students who still need to learn the fundamentals of reading free time to study Bach and his Preludes (cause Lord knows that's what they'd chose to explore). I fear that the primary grades need this structure, so that they can learn how to belong to society.

But how much of what we do in school is like what we do in real life? When was the list time you filed out of Publix in a line? Does it matter where you sit when you read? Don't you read better when you are given options about where to sit?

Don't you want to write about whatever you want?

And science, don't even get me started. Let them do science. I'll leave it at that.

Sometimes when Lindsey and I are alone we say, "What would Katie or Caitie do?" Katie M. was our science methods teacher, an advocate for letting kids do things, not just read about them. She always went the extra mile to meet us where we were on our science knowledge ("I might have learned that once, but probably not"). She did this because it is the right way, but it is also how we be with our students. Caitie G. was just the nicest person in the universe with an obvious passion for her field- reading. I think of her when I want to remember how to be a nice, patient person.

So anyway, this whole thing is a tangent all to get to one point: What if we just did what we wanted as teachers? What if I led my class exactly as I thought was best? Whose gonna stop me?

Probably a lot of people.

On an unrelated note, I am loving Modern Family right now. I just watched the Valentines Day episode and it was poignant and funny, as always. That show always hits the right note. I am reading Firefly Lane, which really made me think about writing. As I try and write a book I find that it is very difficult for me to get the timing right. I want to start a story where it starts, but there is always backstory that I feel is important... I want to talk about a thirty year old guy, for example, but how can you fully appreciate him if you don't know what happened to him in the past? Do we start from age 0 with every character? Of course not. Yet sometimes I want to.

I guess thats just me being a bad writer that I cant find a way to subtly instill the significance of what is happening in my characters lives without backing up and saying "no seriously, this is a big deal because he didn't chew with his mouth closed for his WHOLE LIFE and now, suddenly, he is! Applaud him!"

In Firefly Lane, they started from the beginning of two girls lives and it seems like they are going to move through generations. I'm not even a quarter of a way done and they are out of college. It's like A Land Remembered, without the bodily impalements. And I don't think I like this style all that much, at least in terms of trying to emulate it. Not enough in-the-moment "Bella leans in towards Edwards rock-like neck and plants a kiss, only to ignite his bloodlust" excitement. I need that excitement in my writing!

Graduation is looming ever closer. We went to a meeting today about grad school, and I sat in my chair and thought about what I would do if USC actually accepts me into their online Masters program. On the one hand, its expensive as all get out. On the other, so is life. By saying yes I basically go against everything I have been saying and feeling for the past year- that I want to get a Masters in something other than teaching. However, they certify you. I am all about getting certified so I can get a real job. I am drawn to the immediacy of the whole thing... I start right after this semester ends and finish in a year. No real delay. I am learning that down time causes me anxiety, so this option is kind of good for that reasons.

I should knew in a few days. It will be a moot point if I don't get in.

What a timeless question.. to be a Trojan, or not to be a Trojan?

Nice Mascot, USC.

Stop this blog while before your reader slips into a stupor, Barb.

Classroom dossier, my thoughts and feelings, tricks of the trade, future plans...

As I sit here at Josh's watching NCIS I thought it might be appropriate to include a picture of Tristan. His first time on the slide was hilarious! He went down with me the first time and then we helped him down the rest of the time. Josh lives in this awesome neighborhood that is full of trees yet still directly across the street from the beach. It has a park, an awesome pool, hot tub, tennis courts, and a private entrance to a gazebo that leads to the beach. Basically its a little slice of heaven... I'm sure I'll miss the neighborhood when they sell the house.

Anywho... where was I with my second grade classroom?

VB- The russian born girl with the speech impediment... she gets more and more interesting every day. She is so smart when it comes to science and LOVES to raise her hand. She also bullies EL... I think I mentioned that in the last one.

CK- CK is the model future-engineer. He is quiet, well behaved, and intelligent. His mother is super involved, which to me is indicative of a pleasant home life. This is probably why he's so gosh darn cute and well behaved. He is rather quiet.

M... Oh gosh what is M's last name? M is a little sarcastic boy who reminds me of every one of my male friends from high school. He rolls his eyes when he is angry and makes hilarious comments when he is not. He will definitely be the comic relief of his friends group someday. Unfortunately, he has a bad attitude when he doesn't get what he wants.

AC- AC is my little favorite (of course teachers have favorites). He is wide eyed, round faced, and absolutely loveable. He is an oddly slow reader for such a smart child. He always goes to the bathroom at inappropriate times. Love him. Am I repeating myself from the last update?

AF- AF is little, sassy, and fantastic. Thats all I have to say about that. Yep, I am definitely repeating myself.

ME- I think I am forgetting last names. I don't know whats up with me tonight. The point is ME is Texas loud and Texas proud. She is one of the smartest second graders I have ever seen. She asked to go home and make a poster about stuff she found on the internet about native americans. Gotta love that!

KO- KO is a pain in the rear, but she is clever for sure. Mrs. R taught her father when he was in the second grade and says he knew how to irritate people as well. Must run in the family. Yet, I like her.

TW- TW is behind in most subjects and is labeled by the teacher as "emotionally manipulative at times". She has a rough home life and could definitely use some help. She is a sweet heart. We were drawing pictures of what job we wanted to do when we got older, and she copied my picture down to the last stripe on my dress.

RM- RM gives many, many hugs. She has divorced parents. Something about her just screams "needy". But really, she's not that bad. I still don't know what to make of her.

DD- DD is your average camo wearing second grader. Gifted in science. Enough said.

EL- EL is the girl that I will be UFLI-training. I don't even know if thats how "UFLI" can be used grammatically, but then again what in my blog is grammatically correct? Nothing. She is extremely long winded and takes 5 sentences to make 1 statement. Gotta love that.

AP- AP is always well dressed and quiet. Again, whats not to love.

So they got briefer and briefer as I went down the list but what can you do. I am, ONCE AGAIN, exhausted from a long day of work. I bought "Truffle" colored Grey's Anatomy scrubs. They were soft and I enjoyed wearing them all day. The store was busy.

Last night I bought a bunch of books from half.com. Some of them are from a list that Dr. Zeig gave us that I wanted for my own, one was a Max Lucado book I stumbled across at work (belonging to my boss Serena) and one was Matilda. Love Matilda.

Characters in my new novel: Becky, Claire, and Jenna. I am growing very attached to these three characters as they develop in my mind (and not in writing, as they should be :/). One of them is basically me, so I guess that makes me vein.

I can't wait to start painting again. I was looking at some old pictures from two summers ago in North Carolina and it reminded me of the place I was in when I took them. It was a place where painting felt so right. What is it about NC that makes me feel so happy? What is it about religious books that makes me feel so happy? It is what it is I suppose :)

Teacher tricks:

1. No "guys", always "boys and girls".

2. Popsicle sticks in a cup with kids names on them to control hand raising and blurting out

3. Stations... there can be stations for everything

4. Science Journals

5. Having children give presentations

6. Giving children jobs to do

Once again, a disappointing and scattered blog post. Oh well! What can you do.

Everything is Love

Things I will write about in my NEXT post when I am less exhausted

-The rest of the second grader dossiers

-Chocolate colored scrubs

-The book I am writing

-How I worship Ms. Honey and Matilda

-How I just spent money on half.com and made a wishlist for childrens books.

-How I miss North Carolina

-How I want to start painting again.